Monday, April 12, 2010

Dating Resumes

The single parent has a number of responsibilities that seemingly outnumber the responsibilities the married parent may have. One of the most notable of these duties is the very pressing responsibility of providing the only income for his or her entire household. As a degree-holding person who has made the decision to further my education and attend grad school in hopes of one day landing that perfect job (which will allow me to finally focus on a career and not the pursuit of said career), I have been working on updating, rewriting, and otherwise embellishing my resumes. This got me thinking: we all know that the first date is very much like a job interview. Both parties are nervous, usually dressed to impress, and inquisitive as to what the person/job would be like and if the person is right for the job. I’m sure we’ve all had that feeling at some point. If I continue with this analogy, the request for a second date would be the equivalent of being invited for a second interview. I think we can use our imaginations as to what would be the equivalent of getting the job.

I think, as part of this first-date-job-interview, one should be willing to supply, upon request, the equivalent of an employment resume: the dating resume. The dating resume would be similar to the employment resume, but dissimilar in content and purpose. Let me explain.

At the top would be contact information. Go ahead and tell us where you live. Don’t trust us? Then don’t apply. Following that would be your educational background. This is informative. Did you go to college? What was your major? Any specialized training, etc. We will skim over this part.

Following this would be listed your “work experience” AKA “dating experience.” How many significant relationships you’ve had in the past. How many marriages. How long did they last? What were your strengths? What were your weaknesses? Your major accomplishments during said relationships? Your reasons for leaving? Remember, one should never bad-mouth their previous “bosses” during interviews. Oh, and can you explain any gaps in your relationship history? What were you doing when not in a relationship? Traveling around Europe? Writing a book? Sitting in your dark apartment rocking back and forth and drooling in a catatonic depressive funk since your last break-up? We will assess these on a case-by-case basis.

Then we would have the “skills” listing. This is very important. Can you fix things? What kinds of things? Cars? Garbage disposals? Can you cook? Can you cook well? How are you with children? (Very important to the single parent.) And feel free to list any other skills (ahem) you may have that you think may be relevant to the position.

And, of course, we want to see some references. You will have to list at least three people with whom you have had some type of relationship in the past who will be able to positively support your character. And, yes, we will call them. We will probably even have lunch with them. And depending on the information supplied in your dating resume and the impressions we get from your references, we might get back with you regarding that second interview. But don’t call us. We’ll call you.

Posted by: Missi

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Everyone Wants to Be a Single Lady?

This video is all over the web and the news this morning. Between calls for work I saw it on CNN.

So, it seems like everyone wants to be a single lady, up in the club! But.... if that single lady is fabulous, and has children, please do offer to buy her a drink -- because she not only feels a little guilty for spending the money and that new dress and those amazing "Hello, Lover!" shoes, but she's paying $10 an hour for that sitter tonight.

Posted by: Jennifer

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Disappearing Act

One of my favorite quotes (among many others) from the HBO series Sex and the City is when the single and fabulous Charlotte frustratingly states, “I’ve been dating since I was fifteen. I’m exhausted! Where is he?” I hear ya, sister. I’ve been dating for about that long with the exception of a 3-year marriage. So, I realized the other day that I too have been dating for fifteen years. Wow. That seems like a long time. And I believe, during the course of those fifteen years, I have probably encountered every possible dating scenario with every possible type of man. The man who’s afraid of commitment. The man who wants to marry you one week after meeting you. The man too consumed by his job. The man without a job. The man who wants to meet your kids too early. The man who never wants to meet your kids. The man who forgets you have kids. The man who doesn’t even like kids. The man who IS a big kid. The man with whom you immediately have a connection and start dating. The man with whom you are friends for years before dating. The man who can’t commit…wait, did I already say that? But I have recently encountered a type I had never met before and which, I am learning, is actually more common than I first thought: The Magician.

Anyone out there know the type? You date him for a while, things seem to be going very well, or at least pretty well, you are really into each other, he may even say things to you that seem sincere or genuine…and then…POOF. He’s gone. Vanished.

After having met one of these types for the first time, I had to do some research. It was as if I had stumbled across some rare breed of bird not yet discovered by the Audubon society. Or something. In my research I was surprised to find that apparently this is not such a rare breed. Apparently this is actually a type wandering around out there in the world in such great numbers that articles have been written about how to deal with the situation, poems have been written about the aftermath of having met them, and the book “He’s Just Not That IntoYou” devotes an entire chapter on the topic. The Disappearing Man.

Ok. So now that I have gathered some comfort from the knowledge that this has happened before (it’s not me, it’s them) I start to ask questions. Like “why?” Not a why me kind of thing, but rather a why do this at all? Is this really necessary? Was whatever happened or whatever you discovered so bad, such an enormous deal-breaker that you can’t even tell the girl what it was? And why is this? Do men think that women are all delicate little precious beings who will completely fall apart and have their worlds come crashing down if we hear that there ended up being something about us that you didn’t grow to like? Just tell us. Man up. Call us and say what happened to change your mind. Say what it was that suddenly made you decide not to continue with the relationship. Don’t make excuses. Don’t try to be coy or beat around the bush. Tell us. We’re big girls. We can handle it. In fact, you know what? We’d rather know what went wrong than to be left guessing. I always say that after a job interview for a job I didn’t get, I’d like to call up the interviewer and ask him or her why I didn’t get the job. Not to whine or beg, but rather to know what I did wrong (or what the hired did right), so that I can be prepared better for the next time.

Why can’t we all just be brutally honest with each other? Is it really to protect one another’s feelings? Since when did our feelings get so fragile? Yeah, it would suck to be told that something about ourselves is unappealing, especially to a person to whom we want to be appealing, but, trust me, knowing is better than not knowing. And, trust me, even though we will never see you again either way, we will have more respect for you, and you will probably have more respect for yourself.

Remember, all you Magicians out there: no matter how smooth your patter, no matter how good your slight of hand may be, the woman always steps out of the box fully intact when the show is over.

Posted by: Missi